Soul mate

I wish I had a marriage untouched by infidelity. 

The innocence of it.  The feeling of "you are my best friend and you will never hurt me". 

It's gone.  Does it come back?  I have no idea.  I can't say my husband is my best friend like I used to say...because right now he isn't.  I can't say he will never hurt me...because he did.  That thought that my marriage is beautiful is foreign to me now.  It's not beautiful.  Can it be?  Maybe.  I hope.  I wish.  It's not secure.  My vows were thrown in the dirt and spit on.  How is that beautiful? 

I feel like my faith in marriage is shattered.  I find myself seeing people get married and post their photos on facebook and I think to myself "just wait".  How horrible.  I can honestly say that I thought my marriage would never end...that my husband was my soul mate.  He was my soul mate.  Was I wrong?  How can you be so very wrong about someone you love so much?  God damn it he was my soul mate I thought. 

I think I am just angry right now.  I'm angry that this is my life right now and I hate it.