Rambling

It's amazing how up and down my emotions are and how painful this is becoming...the shock is wearing off and it's leaving me more susceptible to the pain. 

I am still committed to make this work and a small part of me is actually hopeful for our new relationship and new marriage that may bloom out of this disaster. 

It's just hard.  So extremely hard and the horrible thoughts that swirl in my head never end.  I try to make them at least slow but they don't...the thought that my husband, the man I loved with every fiber of my being, the man that is the father of my children, the man that I've known for half of my life wanted another woman.  He wanted her because she was "fun and outgoing"...because she was perfect, because she was pretty and thin and tan.  He wanted to leave me for her and to lay in her bed.  It's sickening.

Never mind the fact that she was so very ugly inside to purposely lead on a married man with two kids.

I am the faithful one.  I am the one that loved him even with all our issues and all the hard times we've had.  I am the woman who has stuck by his side with my head held high.  I am the woman who has the scars of stretch marks on my belly because I held his beautiful children.  I am the woman who has cooked his meals, scrubbed his toilet.  I am the woman who has held him all these years...in my heart and in my arms. 

I am the perfect woman and I am beautiful.  He just didn't know that and took me for granted.  Did I make mistakes during this marriage?  Absolutely.  We both did. 

But damn it I am perfect.  He (and she) will never take that from me.