I am not weak

I am a woman who didn't take the easy road.  I didn't.  Some may say I did because I was too dependent on my husband....it was easier to just let him come back home.  It was easier to stay married because I would lose my home, my financial security, the person who stopped for groceries in the morning and could help me care for our kids on a daily basis.

Some may say that it was those reasons I choose to work on my marriage and that I am weak. 

I can tell you...I am not weak.  I am not pitiful and pathetic and groveling at my husband's feet.  There was one moment in our initial crisis after I found out and he left that I wanted to beg.  I felt desperate.  I held on to him shaking and pleading with him to stay.  Then after he left I realized I will never do that again in my life.  I will never plead to anyone else, especially someone who had hurt me intentionally in their actions.  So I had a moment of weakness...I am not weak.

I am strong.  I am strong because giving my husband the gift of reconciliation is hard.  I would be easier to just divorce.  It would be easier to just let him go...let the pain go.  I am strong because this hurts every day and I still choose to look at that man and love him for the good that he has done.  I look at that man and I see the person that I fell in love with and choose to focus on that instead of what he did.  That is what is hard and I believe takes a good person with a big heart. 

As long as he continues to stay transparent, to show me that he is remorseful, to show me his love and mean it...I will continue to love him and work on this too.  Because I am strong.